analyzing attachment styles

welcome to introspection ft. harsehaj! ⭐️ i’m harsehaj, an 18 y/o always up to something in social good x tech.

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onto today’s topic: analyzing attachment styles 🫂

i’ve noticed a growing interest and popularity in the attachment style recently. this post an an excuse for me to learn about them and tell you a bit about my thoughts too. i’m writing this with context to both platonic and romantic relationships, because i believe these styles are still very applicable for friendships too. ❤️

essentially, an attachment style is a certain pattern of behaviour regarding relationships. this theory was first developed by psychologist mary ainsworth and dr. john bowlby nearly 75 years ago. funny that it’s gaining mass interest now. 

there are 4 attachment styles: secure attachment, anxious attachment, avoidant attachment and fearful-avoidant (disorganized) attachment. apparently, these attachment styles mirror the dynamics we had with our parents/guardians throughout our childhood. 

let’s break each one down!

1) secure attachement 🫂

this is the healthy relationship type that everyone strives for. two things about this type that stuck out to me were: 1) a person that can trust others and be trusted and 2) a person that can depend on others without becoming entirely dependent. 

from what i’ve read, this style typically manifests in people that have a lot of self-love and have a generally positive outlook on life. it’s hard to love someone else, if you can’t prove that love to yourself first.

2) anxious attachment 😬

the key indicator for an anxious attachment style is a deep fear of abandonment (let’s unpack that ..). this, in turn, leads to a lot of insecurity around relationships and always looking for validation. 

a lot of articles connected “clinginess” to an anxious attachment style, but i’d have to disagree. of course, extreme clinginess when you need your partner’s attention 24/7 probably does have a lot to do with that desire for validation; however, wanting to spend time with your partner isn’t a bad thing at all LOL. it’s just a form of affection in most cases.

3) avoidant attachment 🚪

this attachment style primarily has to do with a lack of trust in others, which as a result leads to avoiding relationships all together and being emotionally unavailable. 

it seems like avoidant attachment is rooted in this mindset that someone’s needs can’t be met in a relationship, which i must admit i used to be guilty of as a result of my fear of depending on others. i’ve grown past this and find a lot of contentment in becoming close with others now. 

4) fearful avoidant attachment (aka disorganized) 😧

this is a combination of both the anxious and avoidant attachment styles. to put it veery short, it’s just commitment issues . LOL. it’s generally inconsistent, fluctuating between avoiding closeness with others and feeling a dire need to be loved by others. 

thank you for learning with me. 🔥 what attachment style do you think you are?

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