bit of a closed book

welcome to introspection ft. harsehaj! ⭐️ i’m harsehaj, a 19 y/o always up to something in social good x tech.

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onto today’s topic: bit of a closed book 📕 

i’ve noticed that i don’t share personal stories or express my emotions to their fullest extent as readily as most people. this is by no means intentional or me being anti-social — it just takes me a long time, filled with repeated meaningful interactions (where energy is very much reciprocated), to feel close to others.

maybe it’s a defence mechanism derived from my childhood experiences, or perhaps the american college need for an immediate perfect social circle just doesn’t resonate with my approach to human relationships.

despite practically having a public journal for 2000+ people to read every single day, i’d say i’m a pretty private person. everyone doesn’t need to know my story, or what’s going on in my life at all times. 🤷‍♀️ 

i’m not an open book, and i don’t wear my heart on my sleeve. there are both negative and positive points to that. it sometimes feel like this innate demeanour serves as a blocker between me getting to know another person, but i continue to remind myself that i don’t need to unleash everything to enable instant closeness. relationships can take time to develop, and that’s completely okay.

not only that, extending that information about yourself to another person doesn’t entitle you to their friendship — that’s an important distinction to remember. dumping all of that information tends to develop a false sense of closeness, and while it can genuinely form that bond in time, it doesn’t always work that way. 😬 

i’m a little more emotionally reserved than most people, and whether or not that’s something i should improve upon is an internal debate i have frequently.

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