taking embarrassment in stride

welcome to introspection ft. harsehaj! ⭐️ i’m harsehaj, an 18 y/o always up to something in social good x tech.

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onto today’s topic: taking embarrassment in stride 🫣

so, i fell while rollerblading last night. it was a pretty hard fall. despite the blood literally seeping through my jeans and my rollerblade feeling half broken, i was most concerned with the fact that i fell in front of other people. 

i was humiliated.

my relationship with embarrassment is so peculiar. 🥸 

when people see me failing at something i’m supposed to be good at it’s so horribly embarrassing. at the same time, i have absolutely 0 shame partaking in public tomfoolery. it goes back to the intent and expectation.

when making dumb jokes and doing dumb things purposefully in public, i am fully aware that i am being embarrassing, and that’s fine with me. on the other hand, when i fail at something, it’s unexpected and jarring. my expectations are torn, and the perception of myself i want to project to others is shattered. that is embarrassing to me.

similarly, when i try something new and fail at it, i don’t really get embarrassed, because i don’t have any expectations for myself. 🎯 

i’ve also noticed that acting embarrassed afterwards literally makes the situation so much more embarrassing. it’s the same logic as, “nothing is awkward, until you say it is.”

unless i establish that something is embarrassing and humiliating, it won’t be. in hindsight, nobody watching really cares enough to permanently ingrain you tripping over your shoelaces or taking a nasty fall in their brain.

i need to stop thinking things are embarrassing. i just get in my head and mull over it when it’s truly not that deep. my wound after falling was though. 😍 

JOKING. i’m chilling. my knee is fine. i’m more hurt that my favourite jeans are ruined now.

are you easily embarrassed?

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