i was a self-proclaimed tomboy

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onto today’s topic: i was a self-proclaimed tomboy 👦 

i had some weird allergic reaction to anything feminine when i was a kid.

i hated wearing dresses, wanted to play soccer at recess, and had a pretty rough way of speaking.

more than that, i just hated being a girl. at 7 years old, i had already recognized the extra work i always had to put in to get the same approval as others. at 10 years old, i felt uncomfortable at the thought of joining the seemingly boys-only robotics team. at 14 years old, i grimaced at the thought of makeup and letting my hair down. i took to rejecting femininity and saw it as a weakness, thus further fitting myself into the identity of a “tomboy.”

side note: i also have a bone to pick with the term tomboy, but i’ll save that for another time.

the internalized misogyny was rooted pretty deep. 😬 don’t get me wrong, i have always been a pretty confident and ambitious kid, largely thanks to having my mom as a role model; however, my relationship with femininity specifically was iffy.

it was only until covid’s quarantine period where a switch flipped. it was 10th grade and i was interning remotely at an early-stage health tech startup led my a team of entirely women. i remember logging onto the onboarding zoom call and immediately noticing one of my coworkers with intense eyeliner, dangling earrings, and a frilly top. mentally, i passed judgement.

that coworker is now one of my mentors and she is phenomenal. that realization that being feminine, and extraordinary aren’t mutually exclusive was formative, and i’m forever thankful i was able to grow out of a toxic mindset i kept hidden from others. 💗 

i’m still not the most feminine person, but the difference now is that this is a result of my personal self-expression and not internalized misogyny. i have my days where i’ll step out in a dress and i wear my hair down more often than not. :) it’s a happy place to be: confidently feminine.

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