instinct to blame

welcome to introspection ft. harsehaj! ⭐️ i’m harsehaj, a 19 y/o always up to something in social good x tech.

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btw, feel free to reply with topic ideas you want me to write about for future posts.

onto today’s topic: instinct to blame 🫵 

we’re all naturally wired to blame others when things take a turn for the worse. this natural inclination can be traced back to something called the attribution bias. we often believe each and every action that others take to be a reflection of who they are without consideration for other factors that may be influencing their behaviour. 🪞 

of course, who is someone if not what their actions depict? however, a lot of our actions aren’t entirely our own and are instead influenced by societal pressures, deadlines, financial crisis, and other external factors.

as a result, it’s easy to point fingers and blame others — it comes instinctively.

blaming others is so harmful to your relationships though. a 2001 study shows that our brains respond more strongly to negative experiences than positive ones. 📉 

how much good can outweigh the bad? turns out that 5 positive experiences are about equal to one negative one. the 5:1 ratio was discovered by psychologist and relationship researcher john gottman in the 1970s and is still applicable to our current workplace settings.

so, just one outburst and moment of frustration taken out on someone else can undo 5 times the amount of good any kindness may have inflicted onto your relationship with someone. blaming others also often clouds our sense of problem solving, stealing the focus from other possible explanations and blocking our ability to look into solutions.

to control the blame instinct, resist finding a scapegoat.

search for root causes, not villains. 🦹 when things go wrong, don’t look for an individual or a group to blame. unfortunate results can occur without anyone intending them to — things happen. pinpoint the actual root cause of the situation and look for solutions instead.

after all, finding a root cause ≠ putting the blame on someone/something.

we all blame others a lot more than we probably think. i’m guilty of it too. dismantling this instinct opens up a lot of opportunities for growth and problem solving.

no more pointing fingers. 🙅 

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