selective extroversion

welcome to introspection ft. harsehaj! ⭐️ i’m harsehaj, a 19 y/o always up to something in social good x tech.

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onto today’s topic: selective extroversion 🦜  

you know how extroverted people can strike up a conversation with anyone? how they, in fact, gain energy from doing exactly that?

well, that’s me as long as someone else does the approaching. i’m still not the best at walking up to strangers and just firing off a conversation. if someone else initiates, it’s so easy for me to pick up the convo and keep the momentum going. however, it takes a lot more effort and willpower for me to cold-approach someone. 🧊 

networking events and social functions are different — approaching each other and talking to strangers is expected. both parties are expecting it and are prepared. it’s not strange.

in the wild, in public, is different. i literally have to hype myself up to start a conversation with people staying in the same room of my hostels, despite it still being a more social scene. i stood outside my door today and convinced myself to start with a “hey, i never caught your name” to get to know a new roommate. i contemplated it for 10 minutes. once i hardened my resolve, the conversation flowed smoothly (i’m confident in this part) and a new friend was made. 🙆‍♀️ 

i suppose this blocker in cold-approaching while in-person comes from two possible reasons:

1) fear of rejection

this is a huge thing i’m working on personally. i’ve gotten over my fear of rejection from a professional lens: sending cold emails, applying to internships i don’t fully qualify for, hackathons, pitch competitions etc.

on a personal level, it’s a work in progress. if someone approaches me first, i’ve gotten the green light and know they’re interested in having a conversation and aren’t busy with something else. taking that first step myself treads that line of uncertainty. ⚖️ do they want to be left alone? are they busy? i’m unsure, but even if they are, what’s the worst they can say?

“sorry, i’m in a rush right now!” that doesn’t sound so bad, and it’s not even anything personal. my current progress is sometimes dishing out a genuine compliment and leading with a related question to see if that sparks a mutual conversation.

2) can’t be bothered to

like i’ve mentioned loads of times, i’m a total ambivert — right down the middle between extrovert and introvert. as a result, i’m very comfortable spending time by myself. i don’t always feel the need to socialize so i’ll just avoid it all-together at times.

do you lean more extroverted or introverted?

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